My First Day of Work: The Catastrophe

Yesterday was my first day of work.

Well, not really. I've been low-key working on this project for months. The secret is to amass things slowly over time...then, realize that said mass wasn't as complete as you thought it was.

I'm going to be mad about those missing 12x12 inch clear sleeves for at least two weeks. 

And my printer deciding to rebel.

And the paper I lost trying to fix it.

Would you be surprised if I said I felt like a chicken with its head cut off? No?

Good.

It's hard for me to breathe. I think about all the things I:

• want to do
• should do
• need to do
• could've done earlier had I developed an astute ability to predict the future

Then, I get overwhelmed, scattered, and s t r e s s e d.  I think I can't do it. I think there's no point in me trying to carve out a living while battling mental health issues. That I should just give up. That I can't do this! I can barely get out of bed! Why the heck did I think I could do this?

Then...I talk to my people. Real life friends, Instagram fam, my mother. They remind me why I gradually gathered these pieces and that, somehow, these pieces managed to resonate with others. I have a problem with looking at myself clearly. I'm working on it in therapy. Heck, my therapist will be proud I wrote this blog post! Vulnerability isn't easy. 

I already know I have to do things bit by bit. I just have to arrange my day in a way that works for me, my customers, and my creativity. 

I fixed my printer.

I ordered the sleeves.

They're coming on Friday.

I decided to stagger out social media posts. I want to think of them less like marketing tentacles and more like diaries. I already know I'm not cut out for constant hustle culture. I'm not a content machine. But I also can't live in fear. All I can do is my best on a given day. I do want to share my work.

Today, I'm still a little frazzled. My brain keeps screaming the word 'ADVERTISING!' over and over again. I'm ignoring it. I just want to show my work, make friends...and some money. 

Hey, I have paper to buy! :p

When was the last time you were a frazzled mess? What did you do? How did you react? Let me know!

Until next time, my friends.

Love,
Rese